WELL BEING AND QUALITY OF LIFE
Support Activities Developed by:
Michael C. Irving, Ph.D. and Cheryl Irving, B.A., Psychotherapists

Survivors need a list of normal life activities and self care. During development, the numbing response to the abuse often meant that, though you were physically there, you missed out on the learning skills that other children were experiencing. In addition, neglect is often associated with environments where abuse occurs. A child who is neglected misses out on learning roles and modeling around normal activities.

In shutting down against the trauma and pain, the victim of abuse learns to ignore their body and other needs. It becomes easy to neglect self care, needs and wants. Lists can be quite valuable for reference, particularly when you are under stress or when you anticipate stressful circumstances arising. If you reach a point of crisis, they are a must.

The more difficult a time you are having, the harder it is to remember the things that help you to manage the stress. In effect, the greater your need is, the less you are able to provide for and look after yourself.

Turning to a list that you made when feeling good is a way of using your grounded mind to help you when you are having a difficult time.

Write Down Even the Obvious

Some things on your coping lists may seem obvious when all is going well, but the obvious is not always easily available when you are facing despair or flashbacks. The mind numbs and fogs out as a means of getting through overwhelming feelings.

When you are in a triggered state, it may not occur to you to go for a brisk walk or to ask yourself if you have eaten. If you turn to a list, something is likely to stand out and you can benefit from doing that activity.

Make your list over a period of time rather than all at once. Work on the list at different times of the day, when you are in different moods. Your perceptions, creativity and problem solving abilities change dramatically while feeling good, bad, angry, tired or empowered. The various insights from each of these moods have their own unique strengths.

As stated before, write down the obvious along with your other less obvious strategies for coping.

Vary Between the Novel and the Familiar

When using a stress reduction and coping technique, occasionally vary what you do. The technique you use every time to relax will eventually grow stale and may lose much of the original effect. Conversely, use some of your tried and true responses because as they become habitual, they click on easily due to familiarity.

Four activity lists that are helpful for survivors are:

1. Daily/weekly activities to TAKE CARE of YOURSELF and STAY HEALTHY.
2. What to do to CREATE BOUNDARIES.
3. What to do to RELIEVE STRESS.
4. What to do COPE WITH CRISIS.

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