WHAT IS CHILD NEGLECT?

Feeling isolated, alone, undefended, no self-esteem, a sense that one's needs will not be met," no one's there," no trust, not entitled, don't deserve anything, learned helplessness, despair, can't manage one's emotions, lack of self-management, no sense of appropriate feelings for situations, no sense of what's right or wrong emotionally, difficulties with identity, you don't get a sense of yourself and who you might be. It doesn't matter what you do -- it changes nothing.

Boundaries are a big issue, craving for attention or difficulty in seeking out normal attention, numbness or flat emotions, being developmentally delayed, behavioural problems in school, suicidal feelings, self-abuse, depression, may not know boundaries, have difficulty sensing right & wrong, drug and alcohol abuse, can't relate to others, lack of social skills, eating problems, hoarding food, constantly having accidents, problems with physical health and illnesses; lack of connection, wanting to be invisible, feeling you have no impact in the world or negative attention seeking behaviour. Trying to get what you couldn't get -- shoplifting, shopaholics, gambling, drugs, alcohol.

Self-confidence is missing along with the knowledge that I exist and I can do something because I exist. A neglected kid might wonder if he/she exists at all.

Child neglect affects physical, emotional and cognitive development.

There are actually deep feelings of pain due to lack of nurturing.

Whatever needs are neglected in children we as a society will deal with later Let's do it right the first time.

Neglect is a form of abuse that manifests itself through ignoring or discrediting emotional and/or physical needs.

Neglect leaves no visible physical scars but can be emotionally devastating, leading to feelings of abandonment, confusion, low self esteem and delayed emotional development. If left alone the cycle can continue and be passed on to the next generation.

Neglect is a historical phenomenon that crosses social, economic and cultural boundaries and lines, caused by the time and value we place on status and possessions rather than on our children.

When our families, work places, communities and governments take ownership of this issue, including the education of people about the impact of neglect, children become our priority. We must make time to listen to, respect and value our children.

Any responsible adult in a child’s life has the responsibility for ensuring that the child is cared for and grows up feeling loved.

Discussion -
What is Child Neglect?

What is neglect?
Neglect can consist of ignoring needs, physical or emotional neglect, distancing, inadequate supervision, not ensuring enough schooling, discrediting the child’s needs.

Physical neglect can consist of a lack of provision of proper food, shelter, clothing, nurturing or the maintenance of good health and more.

Emotional neglect can consist of a lack of encouragement, praise, direct listening to the child, touch, babies left in their cribs for long periods and more.

A lack of touch and affection can delay the development of a healthy child, who needs affection, hugs and to hear “I love you” often.

Neglect is a form of abuse!

Why does neglect happen?
Often parents don’t realize that they are neglectful. They may not know any differently, especially if their own role models were similar. They sometimes think that providing “things” is enough, and forget about the caring. Neglect is sometimes caused by the crossing of social or economic lines.

Alcoholism or drug abuse may be a cause. The alcoholic or drug abuser focuses intensely on themselves and not their children or family.

Perhaps the parents have children and don’t want them. There may be a questioning of priorities, such as time. Children may be left in daycare for long hours.

This type of abuse may not be an intentional act at times, when parents are working for survival, especially single parents with limited resources.

Electronic media now provides for an easier state of neglect, with children watching television or videos for long periods of time.

Impact on Children
Children who are victims of neglect often develop negative self esteem, are abandoned, neglected and may be emotionally delayed. They may turn to other things, both positive and negative, in order to meet their needs (drugs, alcohol, games, guns, street kids).

For children this is a very confusing issue. They don’t know where they fit. There is something lacking, and whatever they try to fill the gap with, just isn’t right. They do not feel loved or worthy of love, and will often demonstrate very negative behaviour in order to get attention.

Neglected children may develop passive aggressive personalities. Through negative imprinting, they learn by example, and often grow up to be abusive parents.

There are often no outward signs, physical or other of child neglect (such as bruises), so children often internalize the impact of neglect.

Child neglect is a family problem, not just a woman’s problem.

Child neglect impacts negatively on the average time a woman spends with her child/family.

What to do about child neglect:
We must increase awareness of child neglect, and provide education about prevention. People need to be educated on many levels about options. Employers need to be more aware (e.g. providing onsite daycare).

On a societal level, we must stop perpetuating the problem.

Neglectful parents must learn to value their children instead of doing things to them that they would not do to their property. Older role models could be provided.

Why don’t we have to take a parenting test?

Any responsible adult in a child’s life has a responsibility to ensure that the child is cared for.

We must listen to the children. They can and do communicate. Children must be a priority.

What can a child do?

Children have choices. They can be enabled to make a decision, an informed choice.

Neglect and abuse are not any child’s fault. Children often do not feel that neglect or abuse is what it is, because it is their definition of “normal”.

They can be informed about what neglect is, and how to draw a line between tough love and neglect. How do we empower children to make healthy choices?

Children can find someone that they trust and tell, (although sometimes this makes things worse, so they must consider their options).

REFERENCES ON
CHILD NEGLECT:

DePanfilis, Diane and Marsha K. Salus. A Co-ordinated Response to Child Abuse and Neglect: A Basic Manual. (Online) Available http://www.calib.com.nccanch/
pubs/basic/index.html. 1992

Feldman, Maurice A., Laurie Case and Bruce Sparks. “Effectiveness of a Child-care Training Program for Parents at Risk for Child Neglect.” Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science, January 1992, vol. 24 no. 1, p.14-28.

Leach, Penelope. Children First: What Our Society Must Do - and is Not Doing for Our Children Today. New York: Knopf, 1994.

Mayhall, Pamela D. and Katherine Eastlack. Child Abuse and Neglect: Sharing Responsibility. New York: Wiley 1983.

Straus, Martha B. Abuse and Victimization Across the Life Span. Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University. 1988.

Swift, Karen J. Manufacturing Bad Mothers: A Critical Perspective on Child Neglect. Toronto: University of Toronto Press, 1995.