WHAT IS PHYSICAL ABUSE?

Children are vulnerable. Hurting them is not okay.

Physical abuse hurts today... and tomorrow!

Physical abuse is criminal assault, it is not discipline.

Physical discipline is often abuse. When an adult is emotionally upset and loses control, it can escalate into tragic injury of the child.

Hitting can be painful, degrading, humiliating, scary, disrespectful, and damaging.

Physical abuse is often a matter of learned behavior. For some abusers it may be an expression of overt or hidden jealousy, hate, contempt, hopelessness and/or helplessness. A person abusing is out of control.

Some children experience bruising, welts, broken eardrums, burns, dislocated joints, broken bones, slashes, bites, scalds or genital mutilation.

For others, physical abuse and torture leaves no physical scars, but can be just as devastating. This can take the form of:

• shaking, pulling, twisting limbs,
• restraints and confinement,
• slapping, choking,
• hitting, pulling ears,
• being given poisons, drugging,
• pinching, thumping in the head,
• second hand smoke,
• extreme tickling and whisker rubs,
• hair pulling,
• water torture, electric shocks,
• asphyxiation, strangling,
• and withholding food, medical care or the necessities of life.
• It can also include unnecessary medical procedures like enemas,
• being forced to stand outside in the cold,
• or to stand with arms out or in a squat,
• to wear soiled underpants over the head,
• or to stay in a soaked bed.

There are caring, successful ways to teach our children that do not involve physically hurting a child.

Physically hurting children doesn't work and is in fact counter-productive. Research has clearly identified that the more severely children are physically disciplined, the greater and more frequently they act out and misbehave.

The pain is mine
The knot in my stomach that is there now
Has been with me all my life
The gruesome craving to eat raw meat today
Taught to me by cult members yesterday
Encouraged by mother, the witch

How did I get there ?
In my daddie’s car of midnight blue
Oh how poignant !
This child’s favourite colour.
The joy of the colour masked the fear
and set the tears to shame

The tricycle - midnight blue, of course
To share a ride with sister
I was too small to help.
She screamed
I hurt for I was stepped on as I fell at my daddie’s feet

I cried but no one cared,
So I went to the garden to bury another soul of mine

I was a baby wanting to be held
wanting to be hugged
wanting to be loved
wanting to be cherished

But I was nothing, just another piece of meat
The tightness of my breath
The pain in my chest.
Will not stop me any longer.
I will run no more.
I will open the doors, not in vigilance
But in preparedness to yell

NO MORE ! NO MORE !
The secret will be told

I will hug and love and cherish the child in me

There will be no more beatings that cause life long bruises

EXPOSE; EXPOSE; EXPOSE

In the garden, I will cultivate my spirit
It is me
It is mine
To go
To show
To tell
A secret no more.

Sheila

Discussion -

What is Physical Abuse?

Brainstorming:
Physical abuse teaches children that love equals degradation and slashing pain. It teaches that it’s okay for big people to hit little people but not for little to hit big, and when you get big, you can do this too. Physically abused individuals carry scarring, both physical and emotional.

The actual meaning of the expression “spare the rod, spoil the child” is that the rod is a shepherd’s crook, to be used to redirect the child.

Key:

• Physically hurting children causes psychological, emotional harm.
• Physically hurting children is bad discipline.
• Physically hurting children is an angry reaction - not a thought out process by a parent.

Issues and Concerns:
Generation and cultural legacies of abuse exist and are practiced in Canada.

There is no clear definition of physical abuse, and there is no consensus among professionals as to the definition of physical abuse. Physical abuse is considered criminal behaviour in adults, but not in children. Children must go to extremes (show their bruises) in order to establish that abuse is taking place. The legislation overly protects adults/parents but does not equally protect children.

Physical abuse is emotional abuse.

Realities:
Kids are not resilient. They cannot “get over” anything. Kids are vulnerable... trusting, dependent.

Physical abuse hurts. Hurting children is never okay.

Physical abuse is crippling.

Physical abuse is criminal assault, not discipline.

Physical abuse is learned behaviour. “What I’m doing to you is what my father did to me but it’s not okay. There are many other parenting alternatives now that weren’t known in my father’s time.”

Physical discipline doesn’t change behaviour. Physical discipline is often abuse. There are other caring/successful ways to teach our children.

REFERENCES ON PHYSICAL ABUSE:

Armstrong, Louise. The Home Front: Notes From the Family War Zone. New York: McGraw-Hill, 1983.

Burby, Liza N. Family Violence. San Diego: Lucent Books, 1996.

Coloroso, Barbara. Kids Are Worth It! Giving Your Child the Gift of Inner Discipline. Toronto: Somerville House Books, 1994.

----------, Parenting With Wit and Wisdom in Times of Chaos and Loss. Penguin Canada, 1999.

DePanfilis, Diane and Marsha K. Salus. A Co-ordinated Response to Child Abuse and Neglect: A Basic Manual. (Online) Available http://www.calib.com.nccanch/
pubs/basic/index.htm. 1992.

Greenberg, Keith Elliot. Family Abuse: Why Do People Hurt Each Other? New York: Twenty-First Century Books, 1994.

Leach, Penelope. Children First: What Our Society Must Do - and is Not Doing for Our Children Today. New York: Knopf, 1994.

Lutz, Sherri and First Nations Education Association. Family Violence: A Handbook for First Nations Workers. Brentwood B.C.: First Nations Education Association, 1994.

MacMillan, H., Fleming, J.E., Trocome, N., Boyle, M.H., Wong, M., Racine, Y.A., Beardslee, W.R. and D.R. Offord. “Prevalence of Child Physical and Sexual Abuse in the Community: Results From the Ontario Health Supplement.” Journal of the American Medical Association, 1997, 278, p. 131-135.

Marshall, Peter Graham and Anthony St. Pierre. Now I Know Why Tigers Eat Their Young - How to Survive Your Teenagers With Humour. Vancouver: Whitecap Books 1992.

Pelzer, David J. The Child Called “It”: One Child’s Courage to Survive. Deerfield Beach, Fla.: Health Communications, 1995.

Stacey, William A. The Family Secret: Domestic Violence in America. Boston: Beacon Press, 1983.

Stark, Evan. Everything You Need To Know About Family Violence. New York: Rosen Pub. Group, 1989.

Straus, Martha B. Abuse and Victimization Across the Life Span. Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University. 1988.

Swisher, Karin. Domestic Violence. San Diego California: Greenhaven Press, 1996.

Varga, Lazlo I. and Barbara Coloroso. (Video) Winning at Parenting Without Beating Your Kids. 125 min.