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HOW ABUSE IS REMEMBERED AND
RECOVERED
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The recovery
of traumatic memory is often involuntary, complex
& fragmented. The remembering often begins when
there is readiness, safety, and the realization
that something is very wrong.
The backlash and resistance to traumatic
memories is a product of social and organizational
denial.
The public's misunderstanding of
traumatic memory adversely affects both survivors
and society at large.
Denial of recovered memory by society
and perpetrators is extremely painful and destructive
for survivors. It can feel malicious. The distancing
and denial superficializes the teller and the witness.
The recovery of traumatic memory
is at times involuntary, complex and fragmented.
The mechanics of the recovery of
traumatic memory are readiness, safety, and the
realization that something is very wrong.
Memory recovery is not neat or chronological.
Due to amnesia, dissociation, brain development
and function in response to traumatic stress, and
time delays, there is often fragmentation of the
memory of traumatic experience.
As we can see from the soldiers'
experiences at the Gander tragedy, imagistic memory
can be activated by trauma. The trauma of abuse
is not something the mind or body forgets. If
"the Memory" is not stored in the conscious
mind, it will be stored in the unconscious. Sooner
or later, that memory will emerge, often in the
form of imagistic memory.
When the images from repressed
memories do come spilling out, they are persistent
and uniquely compelling. The same image occurs
repeatedly, sometimes three times, sometimes hundreds
of times over years. However many times the same
image flashes, it seems to stick in your mind,
as if your psyche has underlined it with invisible
ink.
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My innocence,
fragile,
delicate
a seed hidden away
begins unfolding.
Kim
During the making of this
square I had a powerful dream:
Beginning at age 5 I began
having nightmares about spiders. They continued
all through my life. Always I am being pursued
by very large spiders. They grab a hold of me
and wont' let go. I wake up.
This time
in the dream the spider was as large as a horse.
I ran down the street trying to get away and everywhere
I ran there was no exit. There was a small group
of us who ran into the town hall.
When we got inside it
was announced that the doors and windows were
locked and there would be not heat and no water.
When I heard that I knew something was wrong.
Then I noticed that the
others were sitting down in a circle of chairs.
So I sat too. I looked around and noticed that
their hands were grabbing their skin in the centre
of their chests and pulling open their chests,
opening their bodies and out of them were emerging
human sized spiders.
I knew that was it, I
was surrounded and then I looked down and noticed
that I was doing the same thing. I was becoming
a spider. I became my fear. The spider has been
my teacher.
That dream was the end of
me being a victim. I am the dark and the light.
I am in the web of life. It was very powerful and
I am grateful for the opportunity to create the
spider, and in the creating of it.

I bet he doesn't remember
what I did to him! I bet he thinks I don't remember
what he did to me!
Julie Atwood

EYES SHUT TIGHT
Month of May
sees child's play
of finger puppets,
on drifting moon beams,
through gauzey curtains,
on robin's egg
and violet walls.
Lilac scent
on spring time
breezes,
waft through screens,
and urge an innocent’s
peaceful sleep.
Child heart beats,
Thoughts are sweet.
Brothers, sister,
all tucked in,
with Mama's cosy
touch and flannel sheets.
Hush, quiet now,
it's school
tomorrow.
Black Knight's serpent
engine purring,
glaring headlights flash
ignite the room;
Creaking metal door,
bangs the nodding night.
In wide eyed dread,
lids clamp shut,
Fists clench tight,
Catatonic, toe to
frightened head.
Dear God,
say he's had a few
The drink will
make him mellow;
He'll go to bed
that way.
Kitchen door
slams with force,
so brutal,
house and all
that's in it,
quakes.
Dervish Daddy,
breaking loose,
Crashing, smashing rampage,
Devils' wicked,
whirling, wacking.
Eyes shut tight
Pretend slumber,
on reverse moon beams,
soaring skyward, to drowse
on stars lofty pillows,
in celestial silence.
Star's fire consume fear
to ash of nothingness.
Vera

SHATTERED YOUTH
Depression takes over and so I
search my soul and my inner self,
Hoping to discover some explanation of a senseless
situation.
I look to the mirror
What do I see?
A frightened child,
Please don’t let it be me.
In the deepest regions of my confused and cluttered
mind,
Are shards of what seem to be a nightmare of the
worst kind.
I look to the mirror
What do I see?
A frightened child,
Please don’t let it be me.
For years I avoided this reflection
because of its unpleasantness
swiftly running endlessly away from the reality
of its existence.
I look to the mirror
What do I see?
A frightened child,
Please don’t let it be me.
A safe life, for this young soul,
would require a guard
A rock, a hammer, a fist, thrusting forward
Too hard, too hurtful, too inexplicably wild,
To obliterate the reflection of this child.
And so, I think, I am drawn to a conclusion,
For this child, there will be no more confusion.
Suddenly, the pieces crash to the
floor
The child runs frantically to get out the door.
She searches for the exit and her blood runs cold
As she realizes that it is surrounded by the mold
Of the mirror that she shattered to bits that
day;
Destroyed is the escape route to a safe place
to play.
Tana

Come Home
Little child, frightened Self
you were forced to know the truth;
adult knowledge thrust upon you,
drowned in a flood of terror and despair
My shattered heart.
Little child, helpless Self
trapped in ways you couldn’t explain
by things you didn’t understand;
hopeless fog and blinding depression,
No control.
Little girl, lost Self
with the grief of a woman but the soul of a child.
You long for your baby
and I long for mine.
Little child, murdered Self
lifeless and empty
I remember, now, what happened.
Let me take what is unbearable, let me feel the
anguish with you.
I grew up for us both.
I’m here now, I’ve come back for you
as I promised I would.
Give your burden to me
Precious child, treasured Self.
I know what to do now;
I know how to help.
Jacquelyn

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Discussion - How Abuse is Recovered
and Remembered
Issues and Concerns
The major issues and concerns about the ways that
abuse is recovered and remembered are:
- The stereotyping of perpetrators.
- The epidemic of child abuse.
- Who would want the memories of
child abuse to be remembered? There is no personal
gain involved.
- False Memory Syndrome
Denial Disorder Syndrome.
Other issues and concerns include
the power which recovered abuse offers the perpetrator,
and the risks for the survivor in confirming the
abuse and/or confronting the perpetrator. Such memories
bring fear to a lot of people in the survivors
life. They may cause loss of family, and for many,
the cost of these memories is very high.
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Losses
Losses to the survivor who recovered and remembers
abuse may include the loss of family, friends, spouse,
part of self, and the loss of financial security.
It may also result in the perpetration of abuse,
of poor health and illness, or addictions to food,
alcohol, drugs or other substances or activities.
Stress-related health problems such
as migraines, cancer, digestive problems, depression
of the immune system and impaired cognitive functions
are often related to the recovery of memories of
abuse. In addition, somatic feelings may result
in seizures, and survivors may experience suicidal
feelings, a need for self-mutilation or other self-destructive
urges.
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False Memory
Syndrome Denial Disorder Syndrome
The publics misunderstanding of traumatic
memory and an individuals ability to recover
memory adversely affects both survivors and society
at large. People often dont understand the
nature of trauma. Traumatized individuals often
experience a separation of feelings and memories.
The recovery of their memories is usually non-chronological.
Fragmentation of the memory experience may also
occur. Post-traumatic stress disorder is known and
has been well documented.
The repression of memories is a mechanism
of survival. This is a normal reaction to an abnormal
situation. Often there is an underestimation of
the terror involved, the feeling of death. There
are explicit and implicit memories. They are not
neat and pretty or chronological. For the survivor,
seeing is believing. However, he or she may experience
amnesia or gaps in memory. It is difficult to accept
that these memories are real. Disassociative identity
disorder may occur.
The mechanisms of recovery involve
physical and emotional depletion; a feeling of no
longer being able to cope, combined with a sense
of readiness, distance from the perpetrator, a feeling
of safety and a recognition of destructive direction.
Survivors often experience a backlash
or resistance to their memories. They may experience
social denial and disbelief. They may experience
organized denial, combined with threats of repercussions.
Victim blaming and economic loss may result. The
concerns may be about protection of the perpetrator,
rather than of the survivor. The issue may be further
complicated by stereotypes of perpetrators.
Both the public and many professionals
misunderstand trauma and how widespread this issue
is. They are not aware of the rates of incidence
for post-traumatic stress syndrome or disassociative
identity disorder. Also important to understand
is that there is a difference between childrens
and adults experience.
Misunderstandings about denial are
also widespread. The families and friends of survivors
are often unprepared to deal with the issues of
their abuse. The memories are too painful, crashing
their sense of reality. False memory syndrome is
a common vehicle of denial. Planted memories, hypnosis,
medication, regression, child-like memories are
all used to authenticate proof of false
memory syndrome. This reinforces blaming of the
victim, planting the seeds of self doubt. Like
going up a down escalator.
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How Abuse is Remembered and
Recovered:
Abuse can be remembered and
recovered as body memories, flashbacks, disassociation,
or in response to triggers. The memories themselves
may be disjointed, fragmented, unpredictable and
may by inconsistent. They may appear in dreams.
They may be triggered by sensory stimuli (smells,
sounds, touch, taste, sights), recurring events,
specific locations or environments, anger, alcohol,
food, children or family interactions, clothing,
colours, objects of abuse, parties, groups of people
or other stimuli. They may occur in therapy or as
a result of a group process or support group. The
survivor will usually react with denial, disbelief
and doubt.
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REFERENCES
ON HOW ABUSE IS REMEMBERED AND RECOVERED:
Bayin, Anne. Falsely Accused:
False Memory Syndrome is Wrecking Families and Destroying
the Credibility of Genuine Sexual-Abuse Victims.
Homemakers Magazine, September 1993, vol.
28 no. 6, p. 44-6, 48+.
Bower, Bruce. Sex abuse: Direct Approach
May Aid Recall. Science News (US), October
19, 1991, vol. 140 no. 16, p. 245.
-----------. Sudden Recall:
Adult Memories of Child Abuse Spark a Heated Debate
pt.1. Science News (US), September 18, 1993,
vol. 144 no. 12, p. cover, 184-6.
Brown, Laura. Subversive Dialogues.
New York, N.Y.: Basic Books, 1994.
Eigenkind, Heidi. Bearing Witness:
A Questioning of the Politics of Memory. Canadian
Woman Studies, Fall 1991, vol. 12 no. 1, p. 21-4.
Fraser, Sylvia. Abuse Wars:
Whose Memory Matters? Betrayal Trauma: The Logic
Of Forgetting Childhood Abuse. Globe and Mail,
January 25, 1997 pD14 (English).
Herman, Judith Lewis. Trauma and
Recovery. New York, N.Y.: Basic Books, 1992. xi
276 p.
Kandel, Minouche and Eric R. Kandel.
Flights of Memory: Can Memories of Long-Ago
Abuses Be Lost? Once Lost, Can They Be Found Again?
Discover, May 1994, vol. 15, no. 5, p. 32, 34-8.
Martin, Sandra. You Must Remember
This: -- War Raging Around Recovered Memories.
Chatelaine (Eng), September 1997, vol. 70 no. 9
p.40-1, 43+ (English).
Moore, Tom. Angels Crying: A True
Story of Secrecy and Tragedy. Nimbus Publishing
Ltd. 1995.
Penfold, P. Susan. Repressed
Memory Controversy: Is There Middle Ground? Canadian
Medical Association Journal, September 15 1996,
vol. 155 no. 6, p. 647-53.
Terr, Lenore. Unchained Memories:
True Stories of Traumatic Memories, Lost and Found.
New York, N.Y.: Basic Books, 1994.
Woodward, Kenneth L. Was It
Real Or Memories? The Collapse of Charges Against
A Cardinal Raises Questions About Assisted
Claims of Sexual Abuse. Newsweek, March 14,
1994, vol. 123 no. 11, p. 54-5.
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We have to be careful how we express our feelings,
because sometimes it doesn't turn out how we wanted it to. Adili

STOP THE ABUSE. Children have a voice and they
need to be heard. and loved for who they are.

Care, Love, Happy, Respect. I never abuse a child
because it's not write. Ashley, age 8

You should be kind to your child.

We R the treasuares of the earth, guard us and
protect, love us and care. So Dat when we grow up we will take care
of U back. Love your kids. Phyllis, age 17

Love caring and nice is how you should treat your
kids. Sammy 
Ethan, 2 years old


They are only children. Love them all! Laura

While we may not know every child... We must know
the importance of each childhood. Carol

Be patient with kids. Stephen 19
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