CHILD ABUSE CAN BE FATAL (now or later). If the body survives, the effects could remain for a life time.

There is often a cluster of symptoms and signs which include changes or problems in one or more of the following:

FACELESS PEOPLE

Faceless people, frightening figures, ghostlike creatures will remain,
In the deepest, darkest, innermost regions of my brain.
In vain, I've tried to eradicate them,
But they stubbornly continue to be a problem.

Up and awake is the only known way
To keep them from bothering me, so the entire night becomes day.
How long will this last? How long can I fight?
I'm tiring rapidly and the end is not in sight!

Panicking, panicking, panicking greatly
Is what I've been doing an immense deal of lately.
I'm beginning to wonder if ever an end there will be
These nightmares plague me constantly, will I ever be free?

Exhaustion becomes paramount, insipidly doubt is able to creep
Right into my soul, so I dare not sleep!
I don't even care who they are anymore
I can't imagine it being worse than what I've remembered before!

There's no one I entirely trust, there's nowhere to go
It's as if I'm trapped in some crazy freak show.
I no longer care to decipher what this is about
All I want is a license to Get The Hell Out.

Entangled and cornered by family and few friends that are giving,
Who continue to tell me that life is worth living.
I must ask the questions, "Worth living" for who?
It certainly isn't for me, perhaps I can do it for you.

My son and my daughter and my husband as well
Deserve better than me and my moods from this agonizing hell.
I've tried and I've tried to get out of this mess
I'm exceedingly tired of trying, death is tempting, I confess.

But this, I am told, cannot be a choice
My family is important and must have a voice.
It is a difficult task to be in this place of grieving
However, it is incredibly selfish to even think of leaving.

Of this, I keep reminding myself for all,
To stay focussed on family, both adult and the small.
I must endeavour to continue to cope,
Perhaps down the road, for me, there will be hope.

Hope for a brighter and sunnier tomorrow,
A time when I'll not be so full of sorrow.
How will I manage? I really don't know.
I supposed one day at a time, is the best way to go.

Tana

MY FRIGHTENING JOURNEY
INTO THE HELL OF MY MIND

Why did I do this, why did I try?
I’ll never truly understand why.
There are things that should be left unsaid,
Alone, untouched at least ‘til I’m dead.

Why did I think that I could remedy things?
There’s no changing the past nor the memories it brings.
Left buried in the subconscious part of my brain,
It would have been safer there to remain.

Instead, I’m a fool to have uncovered this mess,
If I had left it alone my pain would have been less.
I constantly seem challenged to keep making decisions
If I could only go back now and make some revisions.

I’d go back through time to the very beginning
And delete all the abusers who keep sinning and sinning.
If this were not possible, I’d then delete me,
At least in a non-state. I would simply be free.

Free from the child, free from my past,
Surely in this state, the pain could not last.
There would be no pain, for I would have no existence,
Thoughts would not torture me with their persistence.

Is this preferable? I honestly do not know,
All I hope for now is that it will soon go
Out of my thoughts and out of my mind,
Please dear Lord, do not let it rewind!!

Tana

   Behavioural -- self-destructive behaviours, cutting, suicidal thoughts or attempts, substance abuse and other addictions, inability to maintain or develop healthy relationships, acting out, running away, fighting and aggression, extreme withdrawal or passivity, chronic forgetfulness, eating disorders, sexual promiscuity, lack of healthy boundaries;

 Physical -- bruises, injuries, sexually related infections, chronic health problems, sleep disorders, malnutrition, stunted growth;

 Emotional -- low self-esteem, fear, anger, depression, dramatic mood swings, recurring nightmares, shame and self blame, emptiness inside, numbness, denial.

The pain of abuse can be expressed in widely different ways, such as being an under-achiever or an over-achiever, being withdrawn or overly gregarious, not being able to sleep or sleeping too much, rigid boundaries or lack of boundaries.

Signs of abuse are not always perceived as negative signs such as over-achievement, perfectionism, workaholism, pleasers.

The presence of a single symptom does not imply abuse, but clusters of symptoms are cause for concern. Physical or neurological problems can also cause many of these clusters and should be checked out in addition to exploring possibilities of child abuse.

Life long effects which remain long after the acts of abuse stop.

An extreme continuum in which the pain is expressed in different ways, such as under-achievement or over-achievement.

Willingness to acknowledge or name abuse. Abuse can happen to anyone. It can happen close to home!

 

Discussion - The Signs and Symptoms of Abuse

Signs and Symptoms of Abuse
Signs and symptoms of abuse can be tangible or intangible. Behavioural signs such as withdrawal or low self esteem are often evident. Physical signs such as bruises or injuries, especially to the genitalia, may be visible, as well as sexually related infections, chronic health problems, malnutrition and/or stunted growth. Self-destructive behaviour such as cutting, drug or alcohol abuse, suicidal thoughts or attempts, sexual promiscuity or eating disorders are often apparent.

Other signs and symptoms of abuse include rebellion, acting out, aggression, chronic running away, inappropriate age-related behaviour or knowledge, a lack of healthy boundaries, dramatic mood swings, sleep disorders, nightmares, feelings of shame and self blame, an inability to develop and maintain healthy relationships, depression and/or abrupt behavioural changes. Signs of abuse are not always perceived as negative signs, and may appear as over-achievement, perfectionism or workaholism. The person may feel empty inside, and may be in denial about the abuse.

Issues and Concerns
A diagnosis of abuse can be difficult because of the substantiating evidence. Survivors often encounter willful blindness or minimization on the part of family members, doctors and other. They frequently suffer a fear of reprisal or repercussions, physically, legally and emotionally. There is often a lack of acknowledgement of the extent and prevalence of abuse at a personal and societal level. The legal system supports current cultural and societal norms such as the victim’s self-blame and blaming the victim. Often the root causes of the abuse are not identified, and accordingly, intervention is not offered.

REFERENCES ON THE SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF ABUSE:

Communications Corporation. Sexual Abuse: The Family. Film. Canada: Distributed by National Film Board. 28 min. 25 sec. 1977.

Gilman, Susan Thomas and Mimi Rail. Canadian Council on Children and Youth, Co-producers. Put the Child First. Film, directed by David Maltby, written by Brian Hanington. Canada: distributed by the National Film Board, 15 min., 1989.

Grim, Pamela. “Taking A Stand: An ER Rule of Thumb: Be Suspicious of Parents With an Injured Child Who Want to Leave Quickly (Child Neglect and Child Abuse). Discover, July 1997 vol. 18 no. 7, p. 36, 38+.

Lawren Productions Inc. Sexual Abuse of Children: A Time for Caring. Film. Canada: Distributed by National Film Board, 27 min. 1979.

MacFarlane, Kee and Jill Waterman. Sexual Abuse of Young Children: Evaluation and Treatment. New York: Guilford Press 1986.

National Film Board. Lawren Productions Inc. Sexual abuse of Children: A Time For Caring. Film. Canada: Distributed by the National Film Board, 27 min., 1979.

National Film Board. University of Toronto Media Centre, Co-producers. The Preschool Abused Child. Film. Canada: Distributed by the National Film Board, 12 min., 1980.

Pittaway, Kim. “Sex Offenders: What You Need to Know. Chatelaine (Eng), March 1995, vol. 68 no. 3, p. 57, 59+.

Rench, Janice E. Family Violence: How to Recognize and Survive It. Minneapolis, Lerner Publications Co., 1992.

University of Windsor, Department of Sociology and Anthropology. “Use of Normalization as a Strategy in the Sexual Exploitation of Children By Adult Offenders.” Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, Winter 1997, vol. 6 no. 4, p. 285-95.

VEC (distributor). Child Molestation: Breaking the Silence. Film. Canada: Distributed by VEC, 20 min. 1996.