Secret No More

The pain is mine
The knot in my stomach that is there now
Has been with me all my life
The gruesome craving to eat raw meat today
Taught to me by cult members yesterday
Encouraged by mother, the witch

How did I get there ?
In my daddie’s car of midnight blue
Oh how poignant !
This child’s favourite colour.
The joy of the colour masked the fear
and set the tears to shame

The tricycle - midnight blue, of course
To share a ride with sister
I was too small to help.
She screamed
I hurt for I was stepped on as I fell at my daddie’s feet

I cried but no one cared,
So I went to the garden to bury another soul of mine

I was a baby wanting to be held
wanting to be hugged
wanting to be loved
wanting to be cherished

But I was nothing, just another piece of meat
The tightness of my breath
The pain in my chest.
Will not stop me any longer.
I will run no more.
I will open the doors, not in vigilance
But in preparedness to yell

NO MORE ! NO MORE !
The secret will be told

I will hug and love and cherish the child in me

There will be no more beatings that cause life long bruises

EXPOSE ; EXPOSE ; EXPOSE

In the garden, I will cultivate my spirit
It is me
It is mine
To go
To show
To tell
A secret no more.

Sheila Pavey