Silenced Lamb

To the slaughter
they sent you
day after day after day.
Your bleatings they ignored
of one who does not know
or understand what they are talking about.

For I cannot tell you the horrors
I cannot speak the atrocities
that I am forced to see
to hear
to participate in
but it is my own death and destruction
and I know of which I speak.

But I am a child
and as such my voice is not heeded
for they puff themselves up and say
“She doesn’t mean what she says”
and they think they are smarter than me
and they say I don’t know or mean what I say,
but I do.
I know full well what I am saying and why.

But it is the nature of the beast
to silence all those who oppose it
or refuse to bow down to it.
And the more I struggled
the more I resisted
the more diabolical grew the evil in his heart
till it was consumed with the desire to utterly
destroy me and crush me
for it saw that I refused to submit.

And though outwardly
it did appear that I submitted,
in my heart the rebellion grew
and grew, and grew
till it consumed me
and I refused to listen to anyone
just as they had refused to hear me.
And I became my own “god”
for there was no one and no god able to deliver me
nor that cared enough to hear and deliver me.

And the lies mounted
and the more they told me
that God lived for us and died for us
so that we could live, the angrier I became.

For I did not see, nor feel
nor witness a God of deliverance
I saw a God who permitted
and seemed to condone abuse.
I saw an impotent God
A God of empty words
unable to deliver me or my mother or my brothers
from the hands and jaws of an evil man.

One who perpetrated evil
enjoyed evil
delighted in evil and
felt the satisfaction of imposing evil upon another.

For evil delights in harm
in harming others
in destroying others
in destroying innocence
and all that is good
and all that is of God.

It delights in bringing others into submission
through torture, whatever it takes
through intimidation and threats of harm
through physical abuse
through emotional abuse
through mental cruelty
and whatever diabolical imaginings it chooses to execute.

Yet the very things that it does unto its victim
it fears
being done unto it.

But I take comfort
in God’s justice
and though it may appear harsh
yet in my heart of hearts
I know it is just
and I rejoice in this.

M.