FREE AT LAST

I pull, I twist, I squeeze, I stretch
this hard shapeless piece of wax
Wanting to create a picture
that shows the honest facts.

Needing to show the world
my anguish, sorry and pain
Where a child so full of hurt
lay crumpled covered with shame

Shame for things done to me
with choices I never had
Constantly told by all
that I was the one who was bad.

As I manipulate this piece of wax
I feel a warm and cleansing glow.
Where my little spark of hope
can finally start to grow.

Freedom from abuse memories
that are pulled from my dark past
To be healed, respected and believed in as I begin to shout, "I am free at last!"

Cherlyn

FACELESS PEOPLE

Faceless people, frightening figures, ghostlike creatures will remain,
In the deepest, darkest, innermost regions of my brain.
In vain, I’ve tried to eradicate them,
But they stubbornly continue to be a problem.

Up and awake is the only known way
To keep them from bothering me, so the entire night becomes day.
How long will this last? How long can I fight?
I’m tiring rapidly and the end is not in sight!

Panicking, panicking, panicking greatly
Is what I’ve been doing an immense deal of lately.
I’m beginning to wonder if ever an end there will be
These nightmares plague me constantly, will I ever be free?

Exhaustion becomes paramount, insipidly doubt is able to creep
Right into my soul, so I dare not sleep!
I don’t even care who they are anymore
I can’t imagine it being worse than what I’ve remembered before!

There’s no one I entirely trust, there’s nowhere to go
It’s as if I’m trapped in some crazy freak show.
I no longer care to decipher what this is about
All I want is a license to Get The Hell Out.

Entangled and cornered by family and friends
Who continue to tell me that life is worth living.
I must ask the questions, “Worth living for who?”
It certainly isn’t for me, perhaps I can do it for you.

My son and my daughter and my husband as well
Deserve better than me and my moods from this agonizing hell.
I’ve tried and I’ve tried to get out of this mess
I’m exceedingly tired of trying, death is tempting, I confess.

But this, I am told, cannot be a choice
My family is important and must have a voice.
It is a difficult task to be in this place of grieving
However, it is incredibly selfish to even think of leaving.

Of this, I keep reminding myself for all,
To stay focussed on family, both adult and the small.
I must endeavour to continue to cope;
Perhaps down the road, for me, there will be hope.

Hope for a brighter and sunnier tomorrow,
A time when I’ll not be so full of sorrow.
How will I manage? I really don’t know.
I suppose one day at a time, is the best way to go.

Tana

Discussion - What Resources Exist to Aid in Recovery?

Therapeutic Resources:

Many resources exist such as meditation, body work (physical activity), role playing, group therapy, individual therapy, play/art therapy and books. An “obstacle course” is designed to teach people to work together in a group, developing trust and working with different skill levels.

It is difficult to talk about experiences of abuse, and this effectively silences issues for individuals, their families and their communities. Parents are often more accepting in terms of discussing abuse issues.

The problem is that there is no place to go with this type of information. How knowledgeable is the public about recovery process resources? In addition, prevailing male myths often make it more difficult for men to seek recovery.

A family support centre that can be publicized and accessible to the community for recovery and preventive issues.

Abusers, who have often been abused themselves, and who are working through their own issues need access to specific services. A central information source for recovery options for men and women.

Publicity and education on abuse issues to help the public learn what to do with information about abuse. More investment in recovery centres and resources.

Male focused resources and programs. Funding for non-traditional sources of healing.

Education and training for medical practitioners regarding physical, sexual and emotional abuse as possible causes for medical symptoms. A medical dismissal has powerful silencing effects on the recovery processes of abuse survivors.

Religious practitioners should be educated regarding abuse issues in order to act constructively should a survivor choose to seek them out.


There seem to be more resources available for women than for men. For women, the socialization process produces people who are more open in their conversational abilities.

Men are encouraged to be more stoic, to engage in interactions of a less personal nature. Do more women disclose abuse than men? Are there more women abused than men?

Resources need to be not only accessible financially, emotionally, physically and structurally, but provided in varied modalities.

It is essential for people to seek help and recovery from abuse.

Resources in Existence:

Resources include:

the Child Abuse Survivor Monument Project;
the programs of the YW and YMCA;
the Children’s Aid Society referral sources;
ALIVE (Against Living in Violent Environments) which offers peer support and facilitation by survivors;
EVA (End Violence Alliance);
She Hers/Hostels (e.g. Eva’s Place);
camps;
Family Service Associations; Community Centres;
Psychiatric hospitals or settings; doctors; group therapy organizations;
individual therapist or counselors; cultural associations; religious groups and practitioners (sweat lodges);
self help books, videos, groups;
alternative medicine publications as sources for material;
more street based advertising,
help lines and distress lines such as the Kids Help Phone.

Key Messages

Publicity about resources is important, but the issue of safety is also extremely significant. There is no central referral location for survivors to access. Many discover resources by word of mouth.

There is a lack of profile for resources. Institutions are aware of the issue, but information is not necessarily easily available to the public. They cannot look up what they need in the yellow pages. Existing public education programs are inadequate.

Financial constraints are a consideration. For example, private therapists may not be a viable option for many survivors.

Survivors are encouraged to remain silent. They may not access resources due to fear, safety or confidentiality issues or cultural issues such as “the business of the family should be kept within the family” or acceptance of corporal punishment as a cultural norm.

Many victims of physical abuse often do not feel that they have been abused, and then may simply perpetuate the cycle.

Friends or partners can be a source of recovery for survivors, yet many of these people may not be able to cope with disclosures.

REFERENCES ON RESOURCES TO AID IN RECOVERY:

De Luca, Rayleen V. and others. “Group Treatment for Child Sexual Abuse”. Canadian Psychology, April 1992, vol. 33 no 2, p. 168-79.

Durie, Helen. “PEI Healing Centre for Survivors”. Healthsharing, fall-winter 1992, vol. 13 no. 3, p. 26, 32-3.

Imber-Black, Evan. The Secret Life of Families: Truth-telling, Privacy and Reconciliation in a Tell-All Society. New York: Bantam Books, 1998.

-----------. Secrets in Families and Family Therapy. New York: W.W. Norton and Co., 1993.

Kehoe, Patricia. Helping Abused Children: A Book for Those Who Work With Sexually Abused Children. Seattle, Wa.: Parenting Press, Inc., 1988.

Marshall, William Lamont, Yolanda M. Fernandez, Stephen M. Hudson and Tony Ward., editors. Sourcebook of Treatment Programs for Sexual Offenders. New York and London: Plenum Press, 1998.

Morgan, Marcia K. How to Interview Sexual Abuse Victims: With a Special Segment on Appropriate Use of Anatomical Dolls. London: Sage Publications Ltd. 1994.

Ricks, Frances. “Native Sexual Abuse Counsellor: An Empowerment Training and Healing Model.” Northern Review, Summer 1991, vol. no 7, p. 112-29.

Trent, Bill. “Art Therapy Can Shine a Light Into the Dark History of a Child’s Sexual Abuse.” Canadian Medical Association Journal, April 15, 1992, vol. 146 no. 8, p. 1412-18, 1422.